Healers on Healing: In the Spotlight with Niles Patel

by Isabel Fiorino-Habib,
Community Engagement Coordinator

Niles Patel is a psychotherapist and registered social worker who has worked extensively with children, youth and families. Carrying a clinical psychology background from South Africa, and later obtaining his Masters in Social Work with a focus in counselling, he now works as a therapist at the University of Toronto with young adults ages 19 and up, as well as in private practice. Niles supports individuals and couples that are impacted by depression, loss, grief anxiety as well as life, relationship and family stressors. His approach focuses on a collaborative process which aims to empower his patients by building self awareness and helping them cultivate positive change within their unique circumstances.

I had the insightful opportunity to sit down and speak with Niles about his work and learn more about his experiences as a therapist, as well as the dynamic approach he uses to support his clients. I was curious both by his experience working with younger patients, as well as with older individuals. Additionally, I asked Niles to share a bit about the various perspectives that inform his practice and we spoke mostly about Attachment Theory, and Emotion-Focused Therapy.

Working with Youth, Young Adults, and Families

I wondered if Niles often encountered resistance while working with younger patients who may not have decided to come into therapy voluntarily. Niles explained that he did sometimes encounter this and shed some important insight as to how he connects with these individuals to overcome this initial obstacle. ​

“Here is someone who is not judging me or belittling me, who is actually listening, who is not dismissive, who is allowing me to become aware of my strengths, my skills and is validating and acknowledging my experiences”.
(Niles Patel, on working with youth).

He explained that some younger patients might say things such as, “My mother sent me here” or “I don’t really want to be here” and Niles emphasized the importance of spending time really listening to and acknowledging their concerns, which as a result validates their experience. “Of course you don’t want to be here. Tell me more about what’s happening at school or at home”, he might respond. These types of prompts help to get the conversation moving and then the child might begin to share some information after feeling seen and heard. Niles states that “When they can see that the therapist isn’t just this boring clinical person, they see someone that is more open, that can have a sense of humour, who can tap into their interests and learn about what they like..” this really helps to build a connection with the patient and allows for a very interesting and trusting therapeutic relationship to emerge.

He explains that sometimes as a therapist, he may be the only adult figure that his client trusts and opens up to, which can be quite a different and new experience for the younger patient. The patient might think, “Here is someone who is not judging me or belittling me, who is actually listening, who is not dismissive, who is allowing me to become aware of my strengths, my skills and is validating and acknowledging my experiences”. In fact, some of the same approaches that Niles uses while working with youth, are also quite effective when working with young adults and adults. Niles feels that his humanness rather than the focus of his role as a psychotherapist, is what really helps to break down barriers and build trust within his therapeutic relationships.

As I spoke with Niles, I could really get a sense of his adaptive and chameleon-like nature. I felt intuitively that Niles would have no issue modifying his approach to best suit the needs of the individual at hand. Niles’ genuinely inquisitive and down to earth nature, alongside his open minded and warm approach would definitely provide a safe environment for younger patients who might be struggling and allow them to begin a process of growth and transformation. His light hearted and fun disposition makes him super easy to speak to and I can see how his personality would be well received by patients both young and old.

Dynamic Approach

Niles’ practice is informed by four major perspectives: Attachment Theory, Psycho-Dynamic Relational Perspectives, Emotion-Focused Therapy and Narrative Therapy. In our conversation together, we spoke mostly about Attachment Theory as well as Emotion-Focused Therapy and how it can be applied to support his patients. ​

Attachment Theory explores how our early relationships, primarily between ourselves and our caregivers, impact our behavioural and emotional development as we move through adulthood. Attachment Theory deals with the ways in which we relate to others, the types of partners we might be attracted to and can also explore certain patterns of behaviour that might be unhelpful and rooted in our early attachment experiences. There are different types of attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant and Disorganized, which a patient might be able to identify with after learning about the differences between them and examining the relationships within their lives. 
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In identifying one’s particular attachment style, it is likely that they will be able to recognize their own triggers and as a result move forward in their life with more self awareness and hopefully more equipped to handle life’s obstacles.

​Niles explains that Neuroscience and evidence based science shows that we are able to change our attachment style and become Secure, despite our past experiences. This can be achieved through a positive attachment relationship with a therapist, another adult or someone that you have a really good and healthy relationship or friendship with. Hearing this was quite reassuring and exciting, as it shows that we as humans are capable of change and can truly cultivate more healthy and secure patterns of attachment through self awareness and with the support of a kind, caring and safe figure.

"In identifying one’s particular attachment style, it is likely that they will be able to recognize their own triggers and as a result move forward in their life with more self awareness and hopefully more equipped to handle life’s obstacles."
​
​(Isabel Fiorino-Habib)

I then asked Niles to tell me a bit about Emotion-Focused Therapy, something that he says he has really come to love. “Personally and as a therapist, I am all about emotion and I like to believe that from the time that we awaken to the time we go to bed, we go through a range of emotions”. Niles believes that it is important for the individual to have space to express what is coming up for them. He explains that the emotion itself is not the issue but more so when the particular emotion comes up, he asks “are you able to express it and is it being expressed in a way that is appropriate and healthy for you?”.

Niles tells me that we do not want to shut down or avoid emotions but rather we must honour the feelings that arise. He explains that we must investigate what is happening and ask things like “What do I usually do when this particular emotion comes up?” or “Is this behaviour maladaptive, adaptive, is it healthy or not healthy?”. Niles helps people to identify with and address these questions and normalizes the fact that we as humans experience a multitude of emotions.

“It is unfortunate, that we can be socialized into this idea that we should only feel happy, that we should only feel positive emotions ‘you shouldn’t be sad, you shouldn’t be angry, you shouldn’t be frustrated, etc’..and then when we feel these emotions, we feel bad. We suppress them, we don’t talk about them”.

Niles stresses the importance of having a space to express every and any emotion and hopes that in his therapeutic sessions, clients feel that they can express, process and let these emotions come out. Afterwards, he would begin to work with his client to identify ways to cope with the emotions, all while acknowledging that it is perfectly normal to have a wide range of emotions. ​

Niles enjoying the view of Lake Ontario

Connecting with Niles

Niles Patel is truly a wealth of knowledge and just within our conversation, I could immediately sense how much genuine interest and attentiveness he brings to the individuals he works with. Niles is an experienced, fun, dynamic, easy to talk to and deeply caring individual who has dedicated his life to supporting others. Niles also offers a sliding scale making him even more accessible. 
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If reading about Niles speaks to you, or if you think you might have a friend or family member that might benefit from working with him, please be sure to get in touch with Niles directly through the below links:

https://www.innerartscollective.com/niles-patel.html
​https://nilespateltherapy.wixsite.com/toronto/contact
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/niles-patel-toronto-on/271946

​About the author, Isabel Fiorino-Habib

Philosophy graduate and Reiki student, Isabel is fascinated by the human experience and the art of wellness. 

Receiving little relief or guidance for her own mental and emotional challenges, she sought out various alternative and complementary approaches to support her well being. Now she brings nearly a decade of experience exploring dynamic and individualized approaches to healing, which acknowledge the fundamental connection of mind, body, and soul. 

​Through her writing as Community Engagement Coordinator for the Inner Arts Collective, Isabel hopes to share her experiences with the healing process, and exposes the various modalities that are available to support us all. ​