Jennifer Polansky
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At the moment, there are 155 different types of Psychotherapy listed on Wikipedia with over a thousand different methods claimed to be in existence. That’s a lot to choose from! Luckily, many of the methods are slight variations of more popular approaches, and the different methods can be grouped into a few broad categories of therapy. Each approach looks at problems from a particular perspective, and has a set of techniques aimed at improving well-being, mental functioning and eliciting positive change. When I was studying Psychology and Psychotherapy at school, we learned about the most common categories of therapy. Each one provided a very useful perspective on how mental and emotional problems develop in humans. I can confidently say that the understanding and insight I got into my own problems at the time were invaluable, and in hindsight probably saved me from a lot of future pain and suffering. However, at the end of the day I often found myself wondering “So now what?” Having insight helped me to understand my problems, but didn’t help me change my situation. This is where one type of therapy really made a difference for me. The type of therapy I eventually found myself gravitating towards, and the main approach I use in my own private practice, is ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This was not an approach that was taught in school, but one I stumbled upon by chance and really fell in love with. One of the things I love about ACT is that it’s an experiential type of therapy, meaning it’s not just about talking and gaining insight, but also about doing. For me, this answered that “so now what?” question. The aim of the ACT practices is to change the way we relate to our thoughts and feelings without actually changing our thoughts and feelings. This is different from many of the other types of therapy out there, which focus on changing negative thoughts and feelings into positive ones. At this point you might be thinking “isn’t the whole point of therapy to improve our negative thoughts and feelings?” Well according to the ACT perspective, the problem isn’t our thoughts and feelings per se, but how we relate to them. If, for example, we were to have the thought “I’m not good enough” accompanied by the feelings of hurt and shame, this might lead us to engage in self-destructive behaviours, withdraw from others, and shy away from doing the things we really want to do in life. If, by contrast, we were to have the thought “I’m a banana,” we might be amused or puzzled by it but chances are it would not significantly impact us. We would simply dismiss it as a random silly thought and get on with our day. But what if we reacted to the thought “I’m not good enough” in the same way as we do to the thought “I’m a banana?” After all, they are really the same. Both thoughts are just phenomena produced by the brain, a string of funny sounds that make up words and sentences. We would then be able to get on with our day regardless of what types of thoughts and feelings arise in our consciousness. Rather than being tossed around by our difficult emotions and negative thinking patterns, we would be able to take back control of our lives.  By shifting our focus away from trying to change our thoughts and feelings, we can instead foster acceptance, curiosity, and compassion for whatever arises. Dropping the inner struggle with our thoughts and feelings also frees up a lot of energy which we can then put towards taking action. This is where the other aspect of ACT comes in, which is exploring what gives us meaning, what fulfills us, and what gives us a sense of vitality. And to boldly take steps towards that life. By shifting focus away from trying to change our thoughts and feelings to making space for them instead, we can take these bold steps towards a rich and meaningful life NOW, not once we feel better. ACT teaches us that we don’t need to put our life on hold until we “get better,” but rather we have the capacity to live fully and boldly even with all of our pain and suffering. This is exactly why I fell in love with ACT. It made me realize that to live fully is to be able to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, that to love fully is to inevitably feel the pain of loss, that to do what truly matters involves the courage and vulnerability of taking risks, that all of us at some point will experience pain and suffering, and that the amount of life in a moment of pain is the same as the amount of life in a moment of joy. To me, ACT is not just a type of therapy that I practice, but the way I live my life. Because at the end of the day, ACT is about helping people live rich, full, and meaningful lives regardless of the negative chatter of their minds or emotional pain in their hearts. And to me, this is not just mental well-being, it is freedom.
 Trusting myself Walking the path Of the Grandmothers Sharing the voice Listening Open to receiving The messages from The void. Singing the songs Of the Grandmothers Weaving the worlds, all the dimensions I am into a whole. I am guided by the Grandmothers. The Earth is my Teacher And my Mother. I integrate upper and Lower worlds into this middle world. I am vigilance I am the source I am Guadelupe I am Puma I am the Goddess Here to embody And live my truth And help weave a new world.
Have you ever found yourself in the following scenario? Your stress levels are rising: you are noticing yourself becoming more tense, irritable, and anxious. There is more tightness and pain in your body, and you are experiencing headaches or digestive issues. You are no longer sleeping well. At this point you recognize that you need to prioritize self-care in order to relax and rejuvenate. So you clear some time in your schedule for much-needed ‘me time.’ Maybe you book a massage or pamper yourself at home with a relaxing bath; you take time to slow down and relax; read your favourite book or go for a quiet walk in nature. Maybe you treat yourself to an enjoyable activity such as seeing a movie or a show or indulging in your favourite hobby or pastime. Maybe you take the day off to go out of town for a mini escape. To your dismay, at the end of the day you find that despite your efforts you are still feeling as stressed out as ever. Now you are also frustrated. Why didn’t it work? What went wrong? If you can relate to this, you are not alone. I have been in this situation many times myself and it is indeed very frustrating. Usually, when we think about self-care we imagine activities that are soothing, relaxing, or enjoyable. The aim is to melt away stress and anxiety, slow the nervous system, and emerge well rested and rejuvenated. The methods we use tend to focus on replacing negative mental and emotional states with positive ones. However, this is exactly the reason why sometimes these methods might not work. If we focus too much on replacing negative states with positive ones, this can easily turn into avoidance. And the longer we avoid, the worse the problem often gets. This is why our usual self-care methods might stop working. Sometimes what is needed is to take action to address our stressors, rather than focusing on relaxation. If you are finding yourself in such a scenario, ask yourself: Is there a problem you’ve been avoiding dealing with? Maybe a conflict with a friend or family member, a work issue, an important decision that you need to make, or another personal issue that you haven’t addressed? Perhaps underneath all of that stress there are feelings of anger, disappointment, fear, hurt, sadness, guilt, helplessness, or emptiness. This is what needs your attention. Rather than focusing on relaxing and doing things that are enjoyable, an alternative method of practicing self-care in this type of situation would be to take some time to pay attention and listen to those feelings. This requires a willingness to experience negative emotional states, which is difficult for us to do because we are wired to avoid pain. That’s why getting a massage is much more appealing.  So what can you do? Try setting aside some time to get in touch with the feelings in your body. Get curious about what is underneath all of that stress and anxiety. Acknowledge the difficulty of what you are going through. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings as they are. Whatever you are feeling is okay, and it is important. It might be helpful to express what you are feeling through writing or art. However, simply sitting quietly with your feelings for a few moments is effective. Our feelings are important messengers. They let us know when something is wrong and alert us to unmet needs. Being able to listen to our feelings and satisfy our needs accordingly is what self-care is all about. Sometimes stress lets us know that what we need is rest and relaxation. However, when other emotions are involved, slowing down and tuning into them is the first step to being able to address what our needs really are. And in cases of chronic stress, perhaps these are needs that have been neglected for much too long. Stay tuned for Part 2. Zlata Kovaltchouk
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