|
Have you ever found yourself in the following scenario? Your stress levels are rising: you are noticing yourself becoming more tense, irritable, and anxious. There is more tightness and pain in your body, and you are experiencing headaches or digestive issues. You are no longer sleeping well. At this point you recognize that you need to prioritize self-care in order to relax and rejuvenate. So you clear some time in your schedule for much-needed ‘me time.’ Maybe you book a massage or pamper yourself at home with a relaxing bath; you take time to slow down and relax; read your favourite book or go for a quiet walk in nature. Maybe you treat yourself to an enjoyable activity such as seeing a movie or a show or indulging in your favourite hobby or pastime. Maybe you take the day off to go out of town for a mini escape. To your dismay, at the end of the day you find that despite your efforts you are still feeling as stressed out as ever. Now you are also frustrated. Why didn’t it work? What went wrong? If you can relate to this, you are not alone. I have been in this situation many times myself and it is indeed very frustrating. Usually, when we think about self-care we imagine activities that are soothing, relaxing, or enjoyable. The aim is to melt away stress and anxiety, slow the nervous system, and emerge well rested and rejuvenated. The methods we use tend to focus on replacing negative mental and emotional states with positive ones. However, this is exactly the reason why sometimes these methods might not work. If we focus too much on replacing negative states with positive ones, this can easily turn into avoidance. And the longer we avoid, the worse the problem often gets. This is why our usual self-care methods might stop working. Sometimes what is needed is to take action to address our stressors, rather than focusing on relaxation. If you are finding yourself in such a scenario, ask yourself: Is there a problem you’ve been avoiding dealing with? Maybe a conflict with a friend or family member, a work issue, an important decision that you need to make, or another personal issue that you haven’t addressed? Perhaps underneath all of that stress there are feelings of anger, disappointment, fear, hurt, sadness, guilt, helplessness, or emptiness. This is what needs your attention. Rather than focusing on relaxing and doing things that are enjoyable, an alternative method of practicing self-care in this type of situation would be to take some time to pay attention and listen to those feelings. This requires a willingness to experience negative emotional states, which is difficult for us to do because we are wired to avoid pain. That’s why getting a massage is much more appealing.  So what can you do? Try setting aside some time to get in touch with the feelings in your body. Get curious about what is underneath all of that stress and anxiety. Acknowledge the difficulty of what you are going through. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings as they are. Whatever you are feeling is okay, and it is important. It might be helpful to express what you are feeling through writing or art. However, simply sitting quietly with your feelings for a few moments is effective. Our feelings are important messengers. They let us know when something is wrong and alert us to unmet needs. Being able to listen to our feelings and satisfy our needs accordingly is what self-care is all about. Sometimes stress lets us know that what we need is rest and relaxation. However, when other emotions are involved, slowing down and tuning into them is the first step to being able to address what our needs really are. And in cases of chronic stress, perhaps these are needs that have been neglected for much too long. Stay tuned for Part 2. Zlata Kovaltchouk
2 Comments
For most of us, public transit is one of the last places we enjoy spending time in. When we do have to get from Point A to Point B via a bus, streetcar, or subway, we typically employ a number of strategies to make the experience as pleasurable as possible. Listening to music, playing on smartphones, reading a book or magazine, or enjoying a tasty snack or beverage are some common examples. If all else fails, napping, daydreaming, or zoning out until we reach our destination are other popular choices to fall back on. If you can relate to this, it might be surprising that I am highlighting the bus as a healing space. When I was asked to write on the topic of healing spaces, I immediately started to brainstorm peaceful, relaxing, or spiritual places I’ve visited. The bus was definitely not one of them. However, when I reflected on my own healing journey, I realized that a bus is exactly where it began.  Years ago, when I started to focus on personal healing, the biggest catalyst of change for me was learning about mindfulness. The concept was simple enough: be present. It was so simple in fact that my mind didn’t even offer up any reasons not to do it, which was a miracle since this is usually what my mind does best. Long before I even tried meditation or yoga, I decided to try a simple suggestion I had read about: to practice being present during my daily commute. Since I was a student at the time, I was spending a lot of time commuting via public transit. I decided to give it a try. The next time I was on a bus, I took the headphones out of my ears, put my phone away, and just sat there. Instead of checking out, I practiced checking in. I looked around me and for the first time really noticed the other people on the bus: their faces, their expressions, their body language. I noticed how much everyone seemed to be in their own worlds, completely oblivious to the world around them. I realized that up until that moment, that’s what I looked like too. This was a shocking realization for me. It was equally shocking to come across the handful of people who were present, to make eye contact with them, and even exchange smiles! Those few moments of connection made a powerful impact. I felt sad that I had been missing out all this time. For the first time in a long time, rather than swimming in my own mind, drowning in worry and anxiety, and being overtaken by isolation and unhappiness, I felt awake and connected to the world around me. It was as if some sort of spell had been broken and I had come alive. Pretty soon I was practicing not only on the bus but also while walking to the store, doing the dishes, waiting in line, on the treadmill, in unfamiliar social situations surrounded by people I didn’t know, and yes also during yoga and meditation practice. The bus was the first place where I started to wake up and transform my life moment by moment, which eventually turned into an entire journey with mindfulness. This is why the bus will always hold a dear place in my heart. These days, unfortunately (or fortunately) I still spend a lot of time commuting via public transit. During those times in my life when I’ve neglected my mindfulness practice and slipped back into isolation and unhappiness, I still remind myself to practice while riding the bus. Making time for self-care and healing doesn’t always need to involve a retreat, spa day, yoga class, or meditation group. All we need to do is tune in, become present, and open up to the experience of life in the very moment we are in. Take notice of the sights, sounds, and smells around us, the sensations on our skin and in our body, the emotional flavour of our current experience, the stories our mind might be broadcasting to us in that moment, the feeling of breathing in and out, and the general tragedy and exuberance of being a human occupying our particular body and mind in that particular moment in time. To be fully awake and alive in even the most mundane and unpleasant moments. A healing space can therefore be any space we happen to find ourselves in and choose to wake up to. And yes, that includes a bus. Zlata Kovaltchouk
About Emily...
|
Archives
August 2022
CategoriesAll Advice Affirmation Animal Teachings Anxiety Assessment Tool Astrology Boundaries Breath Ceremony Chanting Cleaning Coaching Cooking Creativity Dream Earth Eco Spirituality Eco-Spirituality Fatigue Fear Fertility And Pregnancy Grief Grounding Happiness Honouring Our Elders Hormones Intention Intentionality Limiting Beliefs Living Seasonally Love Mars Retrograde Meditation Mindfulness Nature Nutrition Overwhelm Palmistry Practice Feature Prayer Psychotherapy Radical Self Nourishment Recipe Recovery Reiki Renewal Self Betrayal Self Care Self-Care Self-Compassion Self-expression Self Love Self-Love Self-worth Shinrin-Yoku Sleep Sound Healing Sounding Stress Symbolism Tarot Tools And Techniques Transformation Vitamin N Workshop Yoga |
RSS Feed
257 Danforth Ave Toronto |
Connect
|